Mコミュみたいなサイト

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

男になろうと。「ちひろさん彼氏来ちゃったよ~やめよっか?」まなぶがペースを緩める。嫁は、俺が晩酌を長く続けることが多いので、時間が遅くなってもあまり気にしない。「あれ何っ??」って聞くと後輩はすごく慌ててました。すると今度はさっきよりも簡単に先っぽが入った。真っ暗闇とはいえ,彼の友達がいる部屋の中で私は全裸にされてしまったのです。」(いつも言います)M字開脚させてクンニしようとすると、女「シャワー浴びてないから、ダメですよぉ。さっきから電話が鳴っていますが全部ムシ。卑猥な女に変身させて欲しいな。友人Oもトイレに行った後、寝るようでした。その日はお互いに眠れなくて、夜中までメールをした。間違いない。特に、今同棲しているという彼氏(というよりもセックスフレンド)との変態セックスの話ばかりで、男がいない私はかなりうらやましく、そして、下半身がうずうずしてきます。へへ」って小首かしげてはにかむ愛。胸や男女の絡みを見ても同じwww。私もヌルヌルだったので、靖史君が少し入れる場所を探していましたが、すぐに入ってきました。理沙はホテルに入るなり私のパンツを下げ「今日はすっごくシタい気分なの」と言ってモノを口一杯に頬張りました。乳房の感触を感じながら乳首を探しあてました。そんな訳でAV鑑賞女子会したい。バカバカバカ!もう引き返せないじゃないかっ。「んっ・・・」と可愛い声が出る。『あっあっあっ…イイっ…もっと…はぁ~~~っイイっ…』俺は女の唇を吸った。私「あっ…ヤダ……」そういいながら、(あくまでも「やめてください!」的な態度で)私は男の人のおチンチンを握りました。」と、課長から爆弾発言。164cmで50kgぐらいとか言ってた。恥ずかしさはありましたが、セーラーの裾に両手をかけて、脱ぐ途中の、お腹がチラと見えるポーズで撮影されました。軽蔑している意味ではなく、プロ意識の高さにひたすら敬服していた。」「……どうして?」「だめ。体勢を変え、有希を仰向けにしてM字にさせパンツの上からまむこ辺りを舐めてみます。830名前:822[sage]投稿日:2005/07/16(土)17:25:58ID:Jmt8zU6n0翌日、酔いが覚めた所で話を聞いた。お風呂の時にされていたように、貴女が大きくて素敵な胸を自分で揉んでいる姿も、私にください。このあと抜かずに何度も中出しした。その先はもうグチョグチョに濡れている。

60代の熟女とセックス体験談

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

なんかその唇が子供っぽいのに妙にエロくみえる。ほら、タマももんでさしあげろ!いつもいってるだろう!」友人は、興奮してきて、彼女に命令し続ける。かおりは俺が射精してる間、ゆっくり、優しく俺のチンコを咥えてた。逆ギレかよ。だって、完全なギャルになっていたんですから!でも話してみると、昔の感じが残っていたんで安心しました。この言葉凄く好き。携帯にメールが一通。どうだあ。全然ぬれていないので、中に指をいれるのも苦労するほどしまっている。でも、傷心は癒えてないだろうし、今日はおっぱいだけ堪能したら、ほんとうに寝ようと誓った。隠してる両手を後輩は力任せにどかした。麻弥にも聞こえるようにわざといやらしい音を立てて舐めまくった。サッカーで鍛えたのかとても力が強く小柄な私の体はS君の胸の中にすっぽり収まりそう。俺が苦しんでた時、母さんは何をしてくれたっけ……「そうだ、佑香、熱冷ましの座薬入れてやろうか?」「……うん」思いつきを口にしたが、妹は素直にうなずいた。出す所だってのに絵里さんのいやらしいアナルは吸い込んできます」「吸い込んでなんかない。えりなは椅子に座る僕の後ろから、羽交い絞めするように抱きついてきたのだ。話が途切れた所で、手を握ってわざとらしく先生の目を見つめると、先生は目を潤ませながら見つめ返してきたのでいけると判断。まあ、寝取ってるのは俺のほうだけど…2回目で多少余裕があった俺は健気な愛香ちゃんの腰振りを楽しむ。乳首は感度がよく、ちょっと触るとすぐに硬くなった。トランクスを脱がしK先生のオチンチンを咥えました。今年はMちゃんがいないかわりにAさんがいる。」とか言ってたが、しだいに乳首が勃ってきて、「んっ、んっ」という声をあげ始めた。伸縮自在だろうけど、すげぇ~負けた気分になって悲しかった。前夜と同じように島崎君に明け方まで犯されても抵抗する気力も何も起こらない、体は感じても心は全く感じないセックスが終わるまで、ただじっとしている事しかできませんでした。あまり顔がきつく締まるので、お仕置きで舐めるのをストップします。吸ったり舐めたりの他にこすり付けたりするのも忘れずにぐりぐりと亀頭を刺激し手での手コキも忘れない。当然のように話しの内容はHな方向に振り切った状態です。弟のは大きくなってて、生き物みたいにぴくぴく動いてて、私も目がくぎ付けでした。「お前、気持ちよさそうに喘いでいたな、そんなに良かったのか?」「・・・・うん」私はやり場の無い怒りと、ママを抱けなかった悔しさと自分のすけべ心から出た報いだと悔やみました。

高齢者のセックス

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

うつむいたままの優子だったが微かに「あ・・・」吐息を漏らす。少女ナイフとセックスした。そこで、寝ているふりさえしとけば彼氏にも罪悪感無く気持ち良くなれると考えているはずだ!更に、後々責められても、気が付かなかったとか、先輩だったから言えなかったとか理由は色々付けられるし!つまり恵子の寝たふりに付合ってさえいれば何でも出来る!と言う事だ!僕は今度、指をマ○コに突っ込んで、Gスポットを刺激した!すぐに「グチュグチュグチュ」と大きな音が響きはじめて、恵子は腰を動かしまくっていた。「…ヤダ…そんなところお風呂に入ってからじゃないと…」私が少し抵抗すると、「いいって…平気だから…」と私の足を乱暴に開いて顔をうずめた。その際幸雄の顔の先には、嫁の股が見えた。冷蔵庫のスタミナドリンクも飲んでおく。なんのことなのか判らなかったのでSに問いただすと「Mさんが為替でしくじって借金を申し込んできたんだけど、返してもらえるアテがなさそうなので断ったんですけど」「なんでもするって泣いて頼まれたので、あきらめさせようと思って、会社の仲間の前でヌード鑑賞会するなら500万貸すといったら、やるというので・・・」悪い冗談かと思いましたし、いくらなんでもあの聡明で美人なMさんがそんなこととも思いました。このままイケなければ、すぐにマンネリがやってきて、セックスレスになってしまうのではないか」という不安でいっぱいになっていたみたいです。もちろん、俺の意思もあったが、パックリ開いた入口に2本の指が『ヌルッ』と、滑り込むように飲み込まれてしまった感じがした。ワレメは先ほどよりも濡れそぼっており、はちみつのような愛液がヘアーを伝って滴り、内ももの辺りも濡らしていました。だんだんと、チンポは元気を取り戻していくと葵の「もう一回しよ~」「もう一回したかったら、葵のオマンコにチンポ入れて下さいって言いな」と言うと、恥かしそうに「葵のオマンコにお兄ちゃんのオチンチン入れてください」二回戦目はバックから挿入しました。リカ「あ、あ、あ、イク!あ、あ、あ、イク!あ、あ、あ、イクぅ!遊ばないで!あ、またイクぅぅ!!」Y雄「ごめんごめん(笑)」指を抜き、再びナニを挿入し抱え上げ素早く駅弁の体制にするY雄。見事に偏見打ち砕かれたwwwそれからは目からウロコが落ちまくりで色んな作家さんを好きになった。Yは膣中でみごとイッてしまったようだ。

電話でセックス聞いてくれるサイト

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

かおりだった。髪は短くて、背が低くて、メガネで、黒髪で、仕事で失敗すると「きゃぅぅぅぅ~~」とか言う。「クチュクチュクチュ…」などすごい音がした。びっくりして彼の顔を見上げると、彼は一度手を離して両手で私の腰を引き寄せ、優しくキス…彼は舌で、私の舌を舐める。なんだか不思議な気分になります。車に乗ると、その駐車場はちょうど道路から死角になっていることに気づいた。乳首を軽く摘まれると、瞬く間に硬く尖ります。入れるたびにキュットアナルが締まる。優の中。それが妹の為にもなるのだと今は思っています。しばらく、彼女の上になったままじっとしていると、僕の萎えたペニスにピクッという様な膣の締まりが伝わってきました。「だめだって、汗臭いんだから」正直彼女の汗の匂いは心地良かったが、この状況からまた抱き締めるのは流石に躊躇われた。私ももう高校生、人並みにセックスには感心があります。とりあえず仕事の電話ではなさそうなのだがすぐに誰かは分からなかった。じゃあ、私で初体験だね」笑顔で俺を見つめる義妹は、さらに一生懸命俺を刺激してきた。俺はビラビラの外側を触れたか触れないかの程度でゆっくりなで始めた。「絶対、内緒に出来る?」耳元で義兄の声が聞こえた。「いいぞ。関係を続けている時は、夜会社で残業しているAさんに、送ってほしいという理由で呼び出され会社でのプレイなどもありとても楽しませてもらいました。小百合は部屋に入ってくるとベッドの縁に座った。号泣。この後は舐めても腰を引いて逃げるだけで、反応がほとんどありません。ただ、そんな男はろくでもないけどな。友達も学校に行ってるし何より恋愛したことのないやつばっかりで相談も何もできない。もしかしてこの子、すんごくエロいんでは。「ここを舐めてあげると言うと」「ハズカシイ…。私が誕生日に買ってあげたスカートで突っ込まれ、私が好きだといっていた下着で犯られていました。焦りのせいで、膣口にうまく当たらないし、腰が高すぎて角度が全然違ってた。「おぉ!こりゃでけぇな!」と言ってあいの胸の谷間に顔をうずめる友男。ね?」と、可愛くおねだりしてきてくれた。後日某駅で待ち合わせ。恵子はこっちを見て泣きそうな顔をしているが、僕はビデオのリモコンをチラつかせた。私が空想していた理想のギャル!「風呂のお湯が入ったばかりだから一緒に入ろう」アイが上着を脱ぐ。」なんて、まるで第三者的に思っていると義弟の指がまた乳首を転がし始めました。

闇サイト 掲示板

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

さすがに毎日はエロいメールはしなかったけど…休憩中にトイレでオナるのが日課になってしまった。抱きしめられて,胸を舐められるがままになるしかありませんでした。上司も無理やりは求めてこないので、私はただただ黙って受け入れていました。そして、濡れた指の先は、アヌスのすぽまりを押すように、何度か動きました。Fくんは手を伸ばし、私のクリを触り始めました。入れて!入れて!オマ○コに入れて!」「だめだよ・・・。翌日19日、朝11時に起床。ちなみに聖子は年齢が20歳顔はかわいいほうだと思う。芋の歳はいくつなんだ?まだ学生?公言できる関係ではないのだし、状況によってはいくら産みたいと言っても考える方針が違うと思うぞ。靖史君はジックリと凝視して、ビラビラを広げたり、グニグニいじったりと、好きに触っていました。エロあるみたいだしきついかもしれないw
でもエロ書くの苦手なんだよな…サイトに一作品しかないしそれも消してしまいたいくらいなんだけどムォ~~~なんなんだろう何がいけないんだろうやっぱりAVで肝心なシーン以外すっ飛ばして観てるそういう短気なところがいかんのだろうか
名前:佐藤美幸呼び方:みゆき呼ばれ方:みつ、みっつー?第一印象:元気な子、面白い笑今の印象:エロい、彼氏ラブ、怖がり好きな所:何かと面白い、エロの化身ひとこと:彼氏と末永くお幸せに!大人になれよ。ぶーちゃんあざとさ全振り過ぎる…。その間俺は服を脱ぎタオルを腰に巻いて待っていた。妻は逞しい佐々木の勃起で泣かされながら、俺のチ○コが劣っていることを訴える。A子の水色のパンツを見て歓声を上げる男たち。優しく脱がされた後は、愛のある胸を合わせてのセックスを楽しんでいた。
明日っつか今日は月末エロゲの日で朝からマップ前は行列だろうなぁ。義父「○○さん…でしたか?娘とはどうゆう…」俺「中学時代の同級生です!当時から仲良くしていて俺は寛子さんに惚れていました!久々に会って話して事情聞いたら気持ちが蘇ってきて我慢できず離婚を進め自分と結婚前提に一緒に住んで下さいと言いました!気持ちが蘇ってきたって言葉では寛子さんもお父様、お母様も不安だと思い結婚できない期間が寛子さんにはあるので本日同行させてもらい気持ちが本物だと知ってもらえるよう同棲の許可頂けるようお願いしに参りました。私はいつのまにか寝てしまってて、なんだかもそもそと体を触られている気がして目が覚めました。

関西熟女セフレ募集 掲示板

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

「なんですか?あたし何か悪い事しました?」先輩におそるおそる聞いてみた。腰から尻に回せた手に豊満な肉体を感じた。」「えっ!珍しい!いくいく!ちょっと待ってて!着替えなきゃ。←Yes!のときはわたしは光くんをガン見してます。ちょっと入っただけなのにまた、私のエロモードはスイッチオンになってて。そして、一世一代の賭けに勝った。純子は感じているばかりでもう抵抗はしていませんでした。でも、それが大きな間違いに発展してしまいました。奥様「ねぇ~お願いイカせて~お願いぃ~」と、声を出してます主人は、私にする様に、クリは舐めず、回りだけ。
おはよう?ギンギンビンビンとそそり立つ朝です。「ん・・・」ゆきねえの唇が押しつけられた刹那、舌がゆるりとボクの唇を割って入ってきた。今日、生理がきました。ベッドに横になり、キスした。中で指を動かすと、そのイボイボが指をず・ず・ず・ず・となで上げるように刺激して誠に具合が良さそうだ。自宅に着いたオレは1回しか抜けなかった事に後悔しつつ濡れたパンティーをずりネタにして2~3回位逝ってしまった。『じゃあ、入れるわよ。。そこらで我慢できずにいきそうになった為、俺が黙って腰を止めてると百合は恐らく自分が話す番だと思ったらしく。俺は自分の上半身も脱いで、素っ裸になると、妹のトレーナーとブラも取り払って全裸にした。この後はシャワーを浴びて、彩さん手作りのサンドイッチを食べたらまた営業、サラリーマンは辛いです。うちは狭いからね。昼12時半からは患者さんの御家族への説明だ。アソコ同士を擦り合わせ少し離すと奥さんの汁で糸を引いてすごくいやらしく感じた。それから、腕に注射を打たれました。ソファに手をつかせ、スカートをまくりあげて後ろからクンニした。なんでもスピード違反で捕まったので最新のレーダーを買いに来たとか。既にビショビショに濡れている彼女、でも、「シャワーを浴びさせて」と俺の体の下からスルリと抜け出しバスルームに入った彼女を待っている間が長かったこと・・・。私もヌルヌルだったので、靖史君が少し入れる場所を探していましたが、すぐに入ってきました。「ちょっちょちょっちょ…」私、テンパり気味。―なんというか、体はすごく気持ちいいんだけど…頭が感じてないというか…。足を折り曲げガードしていたと思います。お手洗いに行き用を足そうとパンツをおろした瞬間、ガチャっとドアが開きSさんが入ってきました。

長崎 人妻 エロ 出会い

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

「・・・ど、どういうつもり?」「フフフッ、びっくりした?」(な、なんだ冗談か・・・・)そのまま2人で色んな話をした。S:もしかして先輩もそういうことしたいという欲望はあるの?私に対しても?俺:ないといったらうそになる。Tさんが「どうだった?」といって手を握ってきました。実家を離れてひとり暮らしをしているちひろにとって、まなぶは数少ない昔を語り合える友人なんだなあくらいに思っていた。それからしばらくして、私は、元々料理人になる夢があって、今の会社の収入が半分になるのに、夢のために決意をしたときに、ヨーコと話す機会があった。俺は腰周り以外、泡塗れのままシャワーで妹を濡らすと、持っていたスポンジにボディーソープを継ぎ足すと、妹を洗い始めた。ね、舐めてあげる」「う、ん・・」と観念した様子。常に不安定。トイレに行って精子で汚れたトランクスをティッシュなどでふいて(トランクス+ハーパンだったので精子が布団にこぼれてなくてホントに助かった。あぁっ・・だめっ・・感じてしまうっ・・身体をこわばらせて,感じないように頑張るのですが,部長の指はそんな私をあざ笑うかのように感じるポイントをソフトに探り,刺激してくるのです。S君の手に導かれるままにキス、そして舌を絡めで・・・いつも間にか彼の手が私のパンティの中に「N江さんも濡れてるね、嬉しいよ」と言われたかどうかの内に彼の指が私の中に・・・「んはっ」・・・もう私は彼の為すがままです。なんなら朝からしとくか?笑』?『ばか!エロ臣!もお知らない!』と布団の中にもぐってしまう。妻は目を閉じじっと入って来るのを待ってましたがK君は位置が解らないようで焦っていました。乳も結構デカイ!ちょっと天然な不思議ちゃんの匂いがプンプン!どうやら里依紗ちゃんもアニヲタでその繋がりで知り合ったらしい。「あ~そろそろ出すから、中にたっぷり出してあげるからね」「・・・えっ・・・やっ・・・だめだよっ・・・」自分は男優のセリフに驚いて速水さんの方を見ました。
あたしがどんだけエロい声出すかまではわからないよね…///
風斗ぉぉぉ!!!エロい!!!うわぁぁぁぁ!!!
結論。俺は再び、「そんなことないですよ」と言い続けた。住む世界が違うって思っていましたし、少し憧れはあったけど、『そんな世界に憧れるのなんて子供っぽい!』って勝手に押さえ付けていました。スリーサイズを測り終えてその結果を知ると、特にウエストが春よりも2センチ程、細くなった事を異常に喜んでいた。

都合のいい女 募集

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

軽率にエロ、ていう言葉が最近好きなんだけど、だからどうしたんだ、書いたんか、見たんか、読みたいんか、なんなんや、と思って我にかえる。一足先に風呂を上がりベットでアイを待つ。」彩「(ジュルッ・・・フムッ・・・)」何度も首を振りながらフェラをやめない彩さん。そして時間が過ぎた頃、「この後の予定は?」などと探るように聞いてみた。濡れているが、さすがに若いだけあってオマンコは狭い。狭い車の中、助手席を倒して義妹を寝かせ、おもむろに胸を吸いだします。だから終わっても独りにしないで」
わりと中学生とセックスしたいプールでいきなり一目惚れですとか言えばいけそう
CMで「いわゆるセックスレス?」とか流すのやめて??
まじもるもいさん?ぐうう;;;しあわせすぎるでしょうなんですかそれ;;;;;;珍しくセックスしないこよいさこよってほんと尊くなっちゃってだめですね…いさなは今宵くんが喜ぶなら料理もちゃんと練習しますしだんだん作れなかった料理が作れるようになりますね結婚しよ
男が久しぶりに女の子に連絡するって事は大体、「俺とセックスしようぜ」って意味
セックスの音がデカすぎて壁ドンどころか通報されたからな。これで少しは寒さが凌げることが出来た。島崎君は私のアソコを無理矢理こじ開けようとして指先を動かしました。とてつもなくつまらない席でした。この頃には完全に心身ともリラックスしてしまって、日頃の肩こりや腰痛も吹き飛んでしまったようです。当日、ホテルのロビーで待ち合わせ、鉄板焼きのお店へ連れて行っていただき美味しいお酒とお肉で大満足させてもらいました。すると向こうから「イク、あああああ、イク、ああああ、でっかいの、イク、ああああ、イクううううう」って声が聞こえたと思ったら「ズボッ」って抜けてしまいました。よく近親相姦的なことは無いのかと聞かれるがそんなもんあるかいなと答える。早速懐かしさも合せて電話する事にしました。そのうちプレハブの現場事務所がアパート隣の空き地に建てられ、それまで仮事務所としていたアパートは社員用宿泊所兼宴会場となった。気づかなくてごめん。二人とも童顔でやせっぽちなんで、よく言えば若く見える、悪く言えばガキっぽい。笑そんなん言うたらこのやりとり何回してるか分からへんけど、刺されるべきは私やから!!
ひょえ?!わああありがとうございます色んな準備の合間に描いてるので、がががががんばりますエロさとか微塵もない新婚なのですけれど…!!あ、灰賀さんの所に置かせてもらう予定です…!
(°_°)??僕からグロなエロを抜いたらただの雄になるから…やめられない止まらない?
くそwwww下バーのエロサイトの広告が永遠ついてくるwwwwww生意気な女子が穴に挟まってたのでなぜそうなったし
どんなツイートでも人それぞれの個性的があるやん?でもさ、エロい系はやめよーや刺激的なやつもしかも乗っけてるエロい写真の女の子ほとんどブスやしな、朝とか見たら朝飯に悪い
やっぱり村中城の半壊イラストが抜群にエロいな。

逮捕されるか心配 プチ援交

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

Sの母親は、他の生徒の母親と比べても若々しく(実際35歳)、とても中3の子供がいるようには見えません。それがうれしくてたまらず、俺は「○○○、愛してるよ」と、ついに感情を言葉に出して応えてしまった。でもセリナはいつもと変わらない感じであらわれた。私は恐怖を感じた。湯船ではまたフェラチオをしてくれて、これがまた丁寧で気持ちが良い。義弟よりも細かったですが長い感じでした。「美加は感じやすくイキやすいんだね」「だってサブローさん上手なんだもん。ベッドに座り頭をなでているところを撮影しようということで俺が座るとベッドに押し倒されて…。そして当時の彼女とはじめてのセックス。まっすぐな子なんでそのことを凄く後悔してて、杏「ねぇ孝どうしよう」って泣いてました。行為が終わったあと、しばらく放心状態で、正直に「こんなの初めて」って漏らしたら、髪の毛をクシャクシャに撫でられました。距離は遠かった。「兄さん、今度は私と気持ちよくなろっ!」義妹が壁に手をついてお尻をこちらに向ける。相当気持ち良かったみたいで、最後は俺の頭を掴んでグリグリ押し当てながらイッたみたい。「私はお盆過ぎに結婚する予定です。直に胸を愛撫された私は完全に感じてしまい、恥ずかしくて下を向いて唇を噛み快感に耐えました。?先日近所で仲の良い夫婦3組で、長野に温泉旅行へ行った。私のように殴られるだけ。(←この後お約束の水没あり)髪を洗っていると、いつ入ってきたのか、彼女が背中に抱きついてきた。その時点でストッキングの上からでも分る程に湿り気がいっぱいです。」「あんなに早いと、本番使えませんよw」「まぁ、今回は見てるだけでよく我慢したから、次は俺くんも参加して楽しみましょ!」と言って、今回はお開きとなった。懐かしくて、うれしくって、私も少し飲んで楽しかった。直後に、彼氏とは別れました。」Mちゃん「Y君いいよ。ホテルは複数あるのだし、平日の昼だという事実も考えれば、一発で部屋には入れるだろう、と、楽観視していた。安いと、すぐ買えるし、それが安心になるし、パフェなくなってもまた買うことは出来るし何をいいたいかというとイベントのときにURだった推しキャラがランキングで戦争すぎて1日で諦めたエロミン「ランキングUR取れなくても心はお前だけだよ」
エロいかどうかはわからんけど、知り合いの保育士は常に発情してる。「3ラウンド目」加奈先輩は、またさっきと同じようにペニス全体を口に含み激しく上下させてます。

逆援助電話番号

Kris Wilder's Martial Secrets - Fri, 2015-05-01 02:50

きっと、また一人で果てたんでしょうorzそんな、ダメダメな私を抱きあげ座らせて「ベロ出して」と言われました。自分が裸だと気が付くと凄い勢いで布団を引き寄せて隠していました。帰りの路線も一緒だったんで駅まで俺の腕にしがみついてたたまーに当たるおぱーいの感触が俺の性欲を掻き立てが我慢俺は終点の駅まで、まきちゃんは4つ前の駅まで電車の心地よい揺れに負けてウトウトまきちゃんの降りる駅に着いたので寝てたまきちゃんを起こして、またねと声を掛けて眠りに着く暫くして終点、俺の降りる駅に着く眠いと思いながら立ち上がると何故か横にまきちゃんが座って寝てるあれ?デジャヴ?と思いながら声を掛ける電車を降りるとふらふらしながら「降りようとしたらドアしまっちゃいました」と、少し気持ち悪そうに笑ってた駅を出てすぐのコンビニで水などを買う、まきちゃんに手渡すと美味しそうに飲んでるのを見て発情してしまった腕にしがみついてふらふら歩くまきちゃんを連れて部屋に玄関を開けると廊下に転がりこむまきちゃんの靴を脱がせて部屋まで引っ張って連れていくまだ少し気持ちが悪そうなのでベッドを背もたれにした状態でコンビニ袋から水を取り出し飲ませるコキュコキュと音はするものの少し口からこぼれてしまうそれを見て衝動にかられて唇を奪ってしまった南アル〇ス天然水の味がしたかどうかさだかではないが、少し澄んだ味がした口から水が滴った跡を舌でなぞる唇からアゴそして首少し驚いた顔を見せ、薄目に俺の行動を観察してるようだった首にキスをすると鈍く体をのけぞらせる耳の側まで移動すると「あっ」と小さな声がしたが構わず舌を使って耳で遊ぶ更にのけぞるので左手で抱き寄せてキス舌を入れてみるとまきちゃんも小さく動く。どうやら、私を見た後ひとりでしてるって。首を舐められて、感じる自分が居ました。Yさんは脚をブルッと震わせます。「いく!彩様もういっちゃう!」「いいわよ、今日はご褒美でそのままいきなさい」「はい」OLスーツのストッキングを撫でながら思いっきり中にぶちまける。いたずらっぽく笑う妹にキスをして、首や耳を舐め回し、俺も妹の肩をチュっと吸ってキスマークをつけ返した。とりあえず男三人で本当に見えるのか行ってみると、本気で見えてしまった!同期の女の子5人くらいいて、湯船に入ってるのが三人で体を洗ってるのが2人。「歩美さん、いくよ!」引き抜いて口に持ってこうとするけど間に合わずアゴ下から唇にかけて顔射。

New Ground

Rory Miller's Blog - Thu, 2015-04-23 16:34
Kasey made the cover of Police Magazine. He posted one of the interior pictures on FB with this caption:
"Here is the April 2015 issue of Police Magazine
Randy the business Sensei will be pleased to see the product placement of the One on One Control Tactics - O3CTlogo in a national publication. Also if you look close you can see a flag for Allegiance Fitness in the back ground. And I'm sure Rory Miller will recognize the Chiron Training weapon retention being demonstrated. #represent"
The shout-out is appreciated. And the CDT program (Chiron Defensive Tactics) is a good jumping-off point to something else.

The weapon retention part is good. I want to say it's the best out there and there's nothing else like it, but that's probably not true anymore. Enough people have been exposed to the idea, and been pleased with it, that it has and will spread. And there's always convergent evolution-- many different ways to get to something that works, and many of the things that work will be very similar.

The thing that's important in my head right now, though, is an aspect of permission. Under what circumstances do people and organizations give themselves permission to change? Refusal to adapt is a death knell. But change, especially organizational change, is hard. ConCom explains why...  but there's still a lot of work to do in how to change despite the difficulty.

Incremental improvement, building off of previous foundation is change, but it is very limited. As Dabrowski pointed out (Hat tip to Ann Craig) big personal growth involves a dissolution, a complete destruction and rebuilding of the person you were before. Big growth in a system would require dismantling the system and starting over.

You can get better by continuing to build on your foundation, with diminishing returns, but you have to dismantle them to get paradigm shifting change. And, of course, this level of change is seen as ego or identity destruction and is fought fiercely. ( I know I'm having a good thinking morning when I reheat the coffee four times and keep forgetting to drink it.)

So-- what gave MCSO the internal permission to give us the permission to change our weapon retention? I don't know the absolute answer, but I do know some of the pieces.

  • We cared. The people who needed this weren't some abstract "customer" they were people we worked with and cared about. Friends and colleagues. I think this is important personally, but it was true before change was allowed, so it wasn't the key.
  • We had a different demographic. Thirty or forty years ago, a big part of officer selection was simply size. (And who you knew.) They wanted big men and that was mostly what they hired. If you're teaching (like many military-based systems) 18-20 year-old men in the best shape of their lives, full of ego and testosterone, you can teach them almost any crap and they will make it work. Times change. In trying to make the profession gender and age neutral, there was a definite shift in physical abilities of the average officer. More importantly, there was a much wider range of physical abilities. You could no longer teach crap and expect a former high school linebacker to rely on strength to make it work. But that's not the reason either, because one of the things a modern bureaucracy requires is slavish lip-service to the patently untrue ideal that "all people are the same."
  • The techniques taught at the academy and by my agency simply didn't work. That right there should have been enough... but it wasn't. What they were teaching was measurable: the stereotypical eight-step wristlock takedown to prone cuffing never worked, but it gave you eight easily measurable steps on which to pass or fail a student.
  • People got hurt when things didn't work. Again, that should have been reason enough. But it wasn't. Not until we had a year with so many injuries that people got alarmed. Really alarmed, as in the union was looking into it. Understand that injuries came out of a different budget, it was state workman's comp. But lawsuits came out of the agency's budget. ---And another thing. When things are rare, like shootings, it is often easier to categorize failure as a "fluke" rather than entertain the possibility that you are doing things systematically wrong. Lots of people rationalize away problems until it is too late.
  • I think this was the key. It was the stupidest, most minor of details. We were teaching the academy-approved weapon retention curriculum for a gun grab from behind-- use your weapon hand to pin the weapon in the holster and turn to your non-weapon side to move the gun out of reach... and realized that the turn gave up the third level of retention for our modern type III holsters. We had not changed or seriously looked at our training methods on this subject since before we switched to semis. What we were teaching was actively wrong for the equipment we carried.
All of the other stuff mattered. People cared. But it took something to blame that didn't tie to people or policy to get the permission.
Just one example, and I know it's incomplete. But if you want to break new ground you need to reject old ground. Not out of ego. As a rule you don't change things that work, especially if you're doing it just so you can be in charge.
And there's a method to deconstructing the old practices so that what you build is stronger. It's not, or shouldn't be, just a childish rejection out of pique or spite.
This is already getting too long. Do you or does your organization need to change? If so, what will be required to give that kind of permission?

Packs

Rory Miller's Blog - Sun, 2015-04-19 20:53
Just...wow. Off a plane, home for 26 hours, on the road, home for twelve hours and on a plane, then home for less than nine and on a plane again. And something is happening to my internal wiring, because (so far) I don't appear to be burning out on people. This is more exhilarating than exhausting. We'll see if that keeps up.

And the to-do list is somewhere between ambitious and overwhelming. Especially the writing section. And it's imperative to fight the paralysis that comes with having an excess of worthy goals. Things to do, things to do...

So let's make this quick.

Very few things are zero sum games. Outside of artificially imposed stuff (like the rules in a game. There are only sixteen chess pieces per side, only so many pieces of property in Monopoly) the only truly non-zero sums I can think of are space (literally the surface of the earth) and chemical elements, like Fe, iron. And exposed to human creativity, even those can be tweaked. There are only so many acres in Manhattan, but a skyscraper vastly increases the useable acreage by thinking in three dimensions. Money may have been a zero-sum game when we were on the gold or silver standard (although even then, it was never limited to one metal) but it certainly isn't now, and wealth never has been zero-sum.

Power, absolutely is not zero-sum. Increasing your intelligence does not decrease mine. Becoming more creative will not make me less creative. Your reps in the gym do not prevent me from doing my own reps (ooooh, though-- waiting in line for a squat rack is a zero-sum game. Limited resource of a specific object...until you apply human creativity and go outside and lift rocks.)

Power does have the effect of making other people who want to use power to coerce think. Coercion over powerless people has zero consequences. Coercion over powerful people is always risky. And thus evil people want to be surrounded by all the weak people possible. And they will claim that others getting strong is weakening them.

And look at the mechanics of that one very carefully. Because te other side is to claim that weakening the strong somehow, magically, strengthens the weak.

From a conversation with Anna Valdisseri when we talked in Sheffield. (I like the way she thinks, that's one of my highest compliments.) She had a unique way of looking at it. As best I can paraphrase:
Humans live in groups. We're social animals. When we see ourselves as pack animals we know that becoming more powerful as individuals makes the pack stronger. It's better for everyone. When we see ourselves as herd animals, we want all the other members to be weak because it increases our chances. If everyone is weak, the wolf will get someone else.

When something bad happens and hits the news, is your instinct to learn more and train harder so that you have options if it should ever happen around you? I started carrying regularly after the Luby's shooting in Texas because I realized I could not have contributed unarmed. If your instinct is to randomly disempower the people around you when bad things happen, that's a herd mentality.


------------
Actually wrote this three weeks ago but stumbled on an internal monkey brain problem in the middle. Took a while to work it out.

On Power

Rory Miller's Blog - Wed, 2015-03-18 00:33
Maija asked the right question. Always best to define your terms. I think "strong" and 'weak" are false sorts, and forgive me for not being clear.

This whole line of thought got launched because Dr. Tammy Yard-McCracken started a dialogue about power dynamics in teaching-- and the can of worms got a whole lot bigger than either of us expected. I really don't know where that project is going. It could be a book or a class or something unexpected. But so far, just in the questions, the collaboration looks promising.

Power isn't an endstate. There are no weak or strong people, just people at different places on a given continuum. And power is not linear. I am stronger than K, but she is smarter and more artistic than I am. R has more money, but J has more skills. Q can access a deep level of viciousness, but W can access an equally deep level of empathy. Power is not a scale but a net of ever-interconnecting methods of affecting the world. And in each strand of the net, you have attributes and skills that both affect the strength.

But in the end, it is about ability to affect the world and, at least equally and maybe more: an ability to have choice in how much the world affects you.

And so when I say "strong" or "weak" in this case, it has nothing to do with where you are on this scale. It has everything to do with which direction you are moving in. Because you are either getting better, or you are getting worse. If you don't get stronger, you will stagnate and get weaker. You can't rest on this. And that "can't' isn't meant as an admonition, but as a simple statement of fact.

If you are getting better, you are strong. Maybe not as strong as you want or you could be. Certainly not the strongest in the world. But the very act of seeking to be better, to be able to affect the world more, is strength.
And, conversely, if you are not striving to be better, you have accepted entropy and you are weak. Doesn't matter if you have the genetics to be a world power lifter. Doesn't matter if you inherited wealth and political power. Doesn't matter what you tell yourself so that you can sleep at night. If you aren't striving to be better you are, by my definition weak. Sorry.

And there's another dynamic here, because power is only a small part of it. You are already powerful. You have a brain bigger than our ancient ancestors. If you have a decent diet you are likely much bigger. You have better communication skills. You have access to information your ancestors could never dream. And your ancestors conquered the world. With half of your gifts, with nothing much beyond rudimentary communication skills and opposable thumbs, your ancestors became the apex predator of this planet. Do you get that? You are fucking mighty.

That is your birthright. That is who you are. And no animal naturally weakens itself. Tigers never starve themselves to look better to other tigers. Snakes don't slither over coals to show their bravery.

So the second dimension is not just power, but comfort with power. If you have a working brain and a decent amount of mobility, anyone on this planet could assassinate anyone else. I may be stronger than K, but she is comfortable enough with the strength and skill that she has that she has no doubt she could make me pay. People who are comfortable with power have to be respected.

There's a huge amount here that Tammy and I are slowly working on-- the ethical element, toxic relationships to power, whether power can be given or must be taken-- a ton of stuff. But I think the bones lie in these two things:
Power is about growth or stagnation.
Comfort with power is required to use it.

Just a Few Thoughts

Rory Miller's Blog - Thu, 2015-03-12 20:15
It looks like we might be on business stuff for a bit. And there will be some teaching stuff, too.
The blog is my place for thinking out loud. That was easier when it was the anonymous meanderings of  some random jail guard poking at internal stuff. The biggest mystery and challenge in my life right now is the business end. I want to get good at it because I hate being bad at anything. And I must do it without compromising my principles. So far, no problem.

This will be kind of random. I may not publish it (I already have several posts written that I'll never publish-- some too dark, some too personal). I may take each paragraph and expand it into a post. I don't know yet.

Thought One:
In this discussion, there is a cross-over to another project I'm working on. We have all been systematically lied to. There is a belief that is so common it is considered axiomatic, but I believe it started as a deliberate lie with a deliberate purpose:
"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."-- Lord Acton (titled, landed, seat in parliament...)
What better way to keep good people powerless than to tell them they will become bad people if they gain power? And it has the effect of a self-fulfilling prophecy because once the edict is taken to heart, only people who are already bad seek power. So we see corrupt people in positions of power and assume that the power made them that way.
It's a lie. A systematic lie woven into the fabric of society for the express purpose of keeping good people from ever being strong enough to challenge those in power. If you believe this (and I did for years, an assumption so deep I never even considered challenging it) you have been brainwashed. And the brainwashing has made you a servant to your enemy.

Thought Two:
This is coming up in the discussion. Mac made a comment on the last post that earning a living and getting good enough to teach are both full time endeavors, and that made it hard to do both. The math doesn't work for that. You have to make a living anyway, why does a career at the Sheriff's Office not make it just as hard to do both? When we have arguments we can show to be mathematically false, what are we really arguing for? I think we are driven to preserve our own brainwashing.
------------
And, aside-- I do need to make a living, and I really only had two marketable skills when I came back from Iraq. But money is not how I keep score. I started teaching JJ because there was no one nearby who could play the games I wanted to play at the level I wanted to play them. I was creating my own playmates. My current goal: Weak people annoy me. They whine and complain and play bullshit little political games (and the loud blustery ones, whatever they tell themselves, are in the weak camp as well.) If I can't find enough strong people, it's up to me to make them. And that's probably more than you wanted to know about my inner motivations.
---------------------

Thought Three:
I'm doing everything wrong and it's working.
No advertising. Only social media is FB and that's still a personal page. I don't send out e-mail blasts. For that matter, I just have a few regional e-mail lists and people have to ask to be put on it. I don't list the agencies or special groups I've worked for. For the first three years I charged for a whole weekend what a few others in this field charge per person for a weekend. (Not quite true anymore-- it would be for the cost of about two people.) And there are very few openings left on my schedule this year, and it was almost full before I even opened it...

Thought Four:
That implies there are some universal principles that work, that go deeper than just common business wisdom. Not sure what they are, but I have a pretty good idea what works for me.



Keep it fun!

John Titchen's Blog - Tue, 2015-03-10 15:48

Training in the martial arts can be a serious business.

  • Physical Fitness
  • Personal Discipline
  • Improved Concentration
  • Competition
  • Self Defence

Listing the most common reasons why adults and children join or study a martial art, they all appear to be serious. Despite all the rewards that they bring, training in the martial arts can be difficult, demanding, frustrating and even painful. The rewards themselves are bestowed so incrementally that they are often unnoticed by the practitioner and this can have a detrimental effect on motivation.

The crux of the matter is that if we aren’t enjoying the training then it is hard to stay motivated to continue. The destination will not be reached if the route isn’t travelled, and the act of travelling itself has to be fun. It really is the journey and not the destination that is important.

Skill development requires repetition. It’s easy for that to become routine and boring and I am sure that like many other instructors I have lost students in the past because I failed to utilise enough variety to disguise that repetition in ways that maintained the sense of excitement and fun.

We expect training to stretch us, to be demanding, to be tiring. Even when it is all those things we should also normally expect to leave training with a smile on our face, but not the smile of someone who feels pleased through the self -denial of a diet or having eaten something ‘healthy’ rather than a treat they wanted. We should leave with the smile of a person that has had fun, because no matter how worthy the ‘end goals’ it is the enjoyment of a class that will draw us back to each new lesson and ensure our progress.

There are many different approaches that can help to keep each lesson fresh and fun:

  • training at different speeds
  • trying different combinations
  • setting different challenges
  • playing stimulus games to improve tactile, visual or auditory response time
  • applying techniques in different ways
  • pairing with different people
  • mixing up the order of the class
  • identifying and reinforcing strengths.

There are many reasons why I train and teach, there are SMART goals that I have set myself and my students, but the thing that draws me to each class is that I want to enjoy myself and have fun.

The destination keeps changing, but I’m here for the fun of the journey.


More Business Stuff

Rory Miller's Blog - Mon, 2015-03-09 19:19
The last post hit some people a little hard. Got some conversations going in my e-mail and on facebook. So a little more thinking out loud here.

It offends me that there are some extraordinary martial arts masters (and master is a word I do not use lightly) who, in their old age, are living in poverty or on the edge. Pioneers in bringing thriving traditional systems to the states or Europe, people who started the entire Reality-Based Self defense movement. And they're living in shitholes, not even surviving on a pension because they were too busy following their passion to create a pension in the first place. It offends me. Maybe you know some of the people I'm talking about, maybe you don't, and maybe you know a few I've never met. But whether you know it or not, no matter what your lineage is, there is probably someone living in a crappy trailer park that you owe a huge debt to.

Part of what bothers me is that in many cases, it was preventable. It shouldn't have happened. A tragedy is when the flaws in the hero of a story spawn an inevitable demise. So it is here, and in almost all cases, the flaw was pride. And I'm subject to it just as much and in exactly the same way.

If you came up through the traditional Japanese arts as I did, you were probably pounded with the antipathy between the samurai class and the merchant class. Are you from that culture or that era? Hell no. But you probably absorbed the ethic that "fighters are above money." It will be compounded if you were raised poor in America, since one of the mechanisms society applies to keep people poor and powerless is to tell them the lies that only bad people make money and that power corrupts. (What better way to keep good people powerless than to tell them that gaining power will turn them into bad people?)

Caught in this belief, many of the best fighters and teachers deliberately work to be failures at the business side to preserve an ethic designed to keep them weak. In doing so, they serve their own enemies and ensure their own defeat.

Fighters are one thing. When you are ready to become a teacher you should be at least a step beyond that. You must be, at minimum, a strategist. Would any good strategist deliberately refuse to learn the way a new battlefield works? Would a good swordsman faced with guns not learn about guns? He would only refuse if he was stupid, or too proud.

And that's the first reframe, and probably the most critical. Use the pride: If the merchants are a lower class, are you going to lose at their game? Hell no. But in order to win, you have to learn the new rules. So what are you? A mere fighter who can't see beyond a single opponent? Or a true strategist?

DO YOU REMEMBER?

Ron Goin's Blog - Sat, 2015-03-07 16:23
DO YOU REMEMBER?A GLANCE BACK
"Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days"
from the musical Cats


A friend of mine recently called, and it wasn't long before we started reminiscing about some of our training days back when the world was much younger.

On most Saturday mornings for a several years in the 70s my friends and I would get together and fight.  When it was warm we would go to Shelby Park in East Nashville, and if the weather was bad we would train at the gym at Two Rivers Baptist Church just across the river in Donelson.

Everybody fought, mostly full contact.

Some days we would box.  Other days we would kickbox.  The rules would change from week to week, or even during the same training session.  We might allow clinching and grappling, or we might include leg kicks.  Sometimes we would just wrestle or do a form of sloppy judo.  We might limit the techniques that could be used, so that one guy could only use his hands, while other could only kick.  Most of the time our rounds lasted 3 minutes.  But we sometimes went long, maybe 5 minutes or so.  Other times we would do 1 minute rounds or even 30 second rounds.  Breaks might last a minute, but usually we only rested for 15 to 30 seconds between rounds.  Occasionally we would add rules that made us do active resting, so it was not uncommon to do jumping jacks or push ups or crunches between rounds.

We made up scenario training that we thought was fun, but was actually fairly cutting edge and ahead of its time.  For example "Freshman" fighting was where one guy stayed in the middle and fought fresh, rested opponents every minute or so.  We also would put one guy in a corner and have him fight his way out against two or three others who were intent on keeping him wedged in.

We did "Ring of Fire" where one guy was in the middle of a circle and attackers would move in one by one at a signal unbeknownst to the victim.  We also did "You and Whose Army" where a guy would have to face a line of attackers who came in like the bull on the old Schlitz Malt Liquor ads.

In all of the rounds, hundreds of rounds, countless rounds that we fought we had one special rule:  If someone trips, slips and falls, the fight did not stop.  In fact, the fighting merely intensified.  This, to us, simulated a real street fight where there were no rules and no refs.

Near the end of every training session we would usually do some weapons work.  This might be stick fighting, knife fighting with knives made from wood, staff fighting or sword fighting using bokken we bought from an import shop at 100 Oaks Mall.  Sometimes we would go stick versus knife, or staff versus stick. 

We always finished with specific self-defense scenario training that focused on realistic attacks.  We hated prearranged, choreographed training, but we did design certain standard attack/response scenarios that we believed were likely to occur.  We figured we needed to sear these techniques into our brains and bodies so that they became automatic responses.  We did not really know the term "muscle memory," but we understood the concept and capitalized on the process.

Our training gear was limited.  This was due to two factors:  We were poor, and we were stupid.  We usually had boxing gloves, and most of us were able to get shin guards from a local sporting goods store that was located in downtown Nashville near the high school where I had attended, Hume Fogg Technical.

We bought lacrosse gloves which we used for weapons training, and some of us had football padding.  We usually had at least two sets of head gear, wiping out the other guys sweat, but even without the safety gear we fought anyway.

What I loved was the fact that although we trained hard we rarely got mad at each other.  We shook hands before and after each match up.  We respected each other and gave good, objective feedback at the end of each training session.  In fact, we might even interrupt a match if we saw something particular noteworthy.  If someone brought in something new that they stole from a book, or if someone stumbled on a cool, effective technique, we would all work on that skill and troubleshoot how to incorporate it into various scenarios.

Training indoors was good, but what we really dug was fighting outside.  At Shelby Park there were flat areas, uneven woodsy areas, and plenty of hills.  I remember one session where we fought on the side of a particularly steep hill.  It was exhausting but really a ton of fun.  There was a Cedar log clubhouse in the park back in those days, and if there was no church or family picnic going on, we would go inside and fight on the stairs or in the tight confines of the corners of the rooms. 

We were lucky.  We rarely got hurt.  Sure, we had bloody noses and busted lips.  Sometimes a jammed finger or badly bruised thighs or sharp, painful shin impact.  But we would just follow standard coaching procedure and "walk it off."  It was not uncommon to see somebody with a cone of tissue stuffed into a bleeding nostril.

Of all the training I've done over almost five decades of martial arts and combatives training, I must say these were my favorite training experiences.  

I miss getting up and driving to go over and get my buddies. 
I miss warming up and stretching and doing a little roadwork to loosen the muscles.  

I miss the camaraderie and the joking and the playful teasing when we screwed up.  I miss touching gloves before the violence started.

I miss stealing ice from the church kitchen to make a compress for a sprained elbow.  I miss insisting on two guys shaking hands when things were starting to get heated up and tempers were starting to get out of control.  

I miss coming home with a nice mouse on my cheek or the beginnings of a black eye.  

I do not really miss getting kicked in the nuts or getting hit on the knuckle with stick. 

If doing is learning, then I learned a LOT.  Of all of the great seminars I've participated in, with some of the world's leading instructors, I must say that I probably learned more from just fighting with my pals.








The Advertising Problem

Rory Miller's Blog - Tue, 2015-03-03 07:57
"I wasn't sure I should come," the student confided, "I heard stories and thought it would be really scary. But it's fun." She had a big grin.

Then Charles Lampshire writes this: "So today I've been thrown down the stairs, had my head knelt upon, a simultaneous wrist, finger and shoulder lock used whilst slamming me into a table, been punched in the balls, had my nose smashed with several elbows, had a scrap in a ladies toilet and even been fish hooked on a sticky dance floor. What a fantastic day! Can't wait to see what Rory Miller has cooked up for us tomorrow."    

That's awesome, by the way, Charles. Thanks. But it's the essential quandary. People who like the idea of rolling around on a sticky dance floor gouging, fish hooking and biting are going to show up. And they have fun. But people who think that is fun don't really need the training much. The ones who most need it are the people who will read that description, shudder and say, "I could never do that." And of course they could do that. And if they tried it, they would find it valuable and fun.

But it's hard to explain. "This time we have an office we are allowed to demolish in the environmental part, so expect to get thrown through the dry wall. But it will be fun and safe."

For most people fun/safe and heads slammed into tables don't go into the same categories. Of course nothing is perfectly safe. Including doing nothing.

This is another one I don't have an answer for.  Word of mouth, maybe.

Winding up a month in the UK heading home this afternoon.
Maryland and Oakland coming up this month.      

Depth of Game

Rory Miller's Blog - Thu, 2015-02-26 20:30
"How deep is your game?" has been coming up a lot, lately.
Erik Kondo, a friend and one of the CRGI team wrote a draft article about becoming a skilled conflict manager. Everything he wrote was absolutely true, but everything could also be distorted or even used against you, if you only relied on the surface interpretations. I offered to do a riff on Erik's article. Still working on it.

But wait, there's more. We did the first CRGI IDC (Instructor Development Course) in Sheffield over the last two days. It was about the methods of principles-based teaching. In one segment, the attendees created a list of difficult students and brainstormed solutions. They did good on the list and the solutions. But the answers were largely one-dimensional. You see behavior X. How do you stop behavior X?

And that led into yet another discussion of depth of game.

Because you can easily add another dimension to what you see that gives another dimension for solutions. Things happen in time, people change over time. This behavior didn't arise full blown, it escalated. And it could, possibly, be solved immediately-- probably with specific consequences-- or the behavior can be altered over time with different consequences.

And you can add the dimension of mental depth as well. Where is this behavior coming from? What are the reasons? If you teach a non-contact system (though I can't think why anyone would) and a student keeps making excessive contact, he might be an ass who needs to be taught a lesson. Or he might be a kid going through a growth spurt. Or a vet who is blind in one eye. Or a former victim who lashes out under stress. And that's another avenue to fix things.

And there is the solution dimension. Stopping the behavior is only one outcome or one piece of the potential outcome. How will your tactics change if you set your goal not to stop the behavior but to make a great student? In a cop class, you always have the disgruntled guy who was ordered to attend training. Most instructors have some kind of tactic to stop the spread of his or her verbal poison. Since ConCom, my goal has been to get them on my side before lunch.

Last example. We talked about Priniciples a lot in the IDC, as you would expect from a class on Principles-Based teaching. One of the principles I used as an example was structure. Many people, if they can distinguish structure from stiffness in the first place, think of using structure to conserve striking force "Hitting with bone."

And that's good and valid. But it's deeper than that. I think any true principle you can dive into as deep as you want to go. In under a minute, I demonstrated power, unbalancing, bone slaving, void defense, vectors along bones versus angled against, disruption... all just structure. And I completely forgot using bone to rest and resist in grappling or structuring as a defense to joint locks. And as cool as all that is, I know I'm barely scratching the surface.

My game could be much deeper.

Solo Skills

Rory Miller's Blog - Fri, 2015-02-20 00:40
Once upon a time, I'd elected to go into a cell and talk down an extremely agitated inmate, and it wasn't working. One of the big keys to talking down people in altered mental states (bad drug reactions, stress that makes them temporarily out of control, or truly unstable mental illness doesn't really matter much) is to lower the adrenaline. Which, since only time dissipates adrenaline, means the golden rule is "Do nothing to increase the subject's adrenaline."

And he was not calming down. He kept darting glances over my shoulder, and there was no way I was going to look. You don't make direct eye contact with excited mentals (it can be read as challenge or threat and adrenaline rises) but you give them full attention (read as respect). And if you glance away at the wrong time you can get badly hurt.

What was going on was that one of the rookies decided to ignore my instructions to stay out of sight. When dealing with potentially bad situations, you want the best back-up you can get, but when talking down an EDP (Emotionally Disturbed Person-- you know it's tactically important because we have a TLA (Three Letter Acronym) for it) if they see the backup they know that you're scared, and fear is contagious and their adrenaline rises.

So, despite specific instructions to stay out of sight, the kid (who was big enough to be imposing) was hanging right off my shoulder. Why? Because he wanted to see why I was so successful at dealing with EDPs. He wanted to see what I did first-hand.

This is a big teaching quandary for me. And research problem. The best way to learn real skills for high-risk, high-speed problems is to model them. You can learn theory in the classroom and you can practice the motions in the dojo, but real world applications are complex on many levels. Just talking to someone isn't a mere exchange of words, there are social, emotional, intellectual and status implications of the tiniest interaction. Being with someone who is skilled at handling problems and watching them handle those problems and maybe helping and definitely asking questions later is where the important stuff happens. It's the safest way for the stuff you learn in class to become a real skill you can apply.

But there are a handful of skills that are hard to model, because the skill is so hard to apply without the emotional protection of privacy. Imagine trying  to reassure a mother whose child has just died but start with, "Do you mind if I film this?"

Intersection, here. There are certain things, maybe everything but thinking about it, all the high-risk stuff, where the processing is more important than the event. Something terrible happens to you and it's terrible... but how you process it, how you come to think about it and understand it will make the difference between an incident you soon forget, one that makes you stronger, or one that continues to victimize you mentally for the rest of your life.

And helping someone process a big event is one of those skills that generally requires some privacy. "Let's go for a walk" as you wave the other people who want to help back. Absolute best thing for the primary, but as that rookie pointed out long ago, it denies the ability to learn by modeling.

I don't have a good answer for this one. The best stuff I have for talking people down is in "Talking Them Through." But teaching the skill, modeling... I don't have a solution for that. And it's one of the skills that can be badly bungled-- with horrible long-term consequences.

Pages

Subscribe to Iain Abernethy aggregator