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OhioMike
OhioMike's picture
Looking for Woman/Teen Girl Conflict Descalation/Empowerment Training Materials

Hello all,

So my daughter recently turned 13 and as girls that age tend to do she hangs out with a lot of other young teen girls. Long story short she has suggested I add more female specific training to my class and branch out into teaching more Women's/Girls self defense. I have taught a basic class many times over the years but as I was dusting it off and revisiting it in light of my recent exploration of practical martial arts, I realized that I need to add a good deal more conversation about statistics of violence and make it less about the tricks and more about defensive thinking.  But it also occured to me that I should add more descalation, conflict managment techniques, and general empowerment. I am in the process of looking for a good system that works well with Karate but that is scientifically sound, and am finding a lot of poorly written garbage mixed in with some good materials. 

To that end I wanted to poll the group and ask do you have a system that you teach / recommend? I am leaning toward TrueShield (tm) since it seems self contained and while it is written to work with Akido, I do not see too much issue with adjusting it to fit Karate.

Any help greatly appreciated,

Mike

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

I think there are lots of good materials out there, but I’d struggle to point to a “one stop shop” that covers everything. The Suzy Lamplugh trust does a lot of good work: https://www.suzylamplugh.org/

All the best,

Iain

Tau
Tau's picture

I don't have a "system" for female-specific self protection but interestingly my main adult class is often 100% female these days with age range 15 to mid-20s. This wasn't something I ever intended to happen. I've openly wondered why this is, because it's certainly not down to my looks, charm and GSOH!

Do you need a "system" or do you just need good, solid, trustworthy resources? I wonder if the reason for my current adult class demographic is my occupation and discipline (specialist emergency nurse) as this influences what I teach when I'm teaching pragmatically. I'm honest with my students and respectful of their specific needs. There certainly are some fantastic resources out there but I accept that seperating the wheat from the chaff can be diffcult. I would recommend starting with

- Streetwise by Peter Consterdine (old now but still very relevent)

- Jamie Clubb's resources, particular his new podcast

- Rory Miller's books & DVDs

- The Little Black Book of Violence by Kris Wilder & Lawrence Kane

Other forum users will advise on others.

Katz
Katz's picture

Hello,

Sorry, Tau, I must point out that although it is a very good book in general about self defense, The Little Black Book of Violence is more geared towards self defense for guys. Kane and Wilder even point it out in the introduction, if I remember correctly. (Still, an awesome read and definitively worth reading for anyone interested in self-defense, so it's worth reading anyway...)

One other book I have read that was interesting, although if I remember correctly, there are more tricks than defensive thinking, as OhioMike puts it, is "Self-Defense for Women: Fight Back" by Christensen. But it's a book on self-defense for women by Christensen. So if you're interested in teaching self-defense for women, it's a good read ! :)

Wastelander
Wastelander's picture

This may not be the type of thing you are looking for, but Jordan Giarratano, who is a member on this forum, has a lot of experience with tailoring his program to women and girls, and would probably be a great contact for you

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

Wastelander wrote:
This may not be the type of thing you are looking for, but Jordan Giarratano, who is a member on this forum, has a lot of experience with tailoring his program to women and girls, and would probably be a great contact for you

Seconded! Jordan has done some great stuff in this regard and you can see him talking in the news report below. You will be able to contact him via his website: https://www.fightingchanceseattle.com/

All the best,

Iain

Jordan Giarratano
Jordan Giarratano's picture

OhioMike wrote:
To that end I wanted to poll the group and ask do you have a system that you teach / recommend?

Hi Mike,

It's awesome that your daughter made the suggestion. Good on you, best of luck! I have a program I designed and use in Seattle, unfortunately I haven't documented as much of it as I'd like, but I'm more than happy to pass on info to you directly if you need/answer questions and I have some handouts you may find valuable. I fun my Self-Defense for Women program pretty different from anything I've seen so far. Some core areas to pay attention to:

1) Try to frame self-defense from the point of  view of the person targeted in the attack. It's difficult work, but try to strip away the blind spots of being a trained martial artist, of being male, (and for me of being very large) <-- this is an endless process. How I approach it is to stay very open to my students. I announce at the beginning of each workshop that I'm open to feedback and insights, even (and especially) if they contradict what I've said. I also listen carefully to what people are afraid of or have encountered in the past and make adjustments. As a rule, I teach every workshop with at least one female assistant instructor and they are empowered to work with students on their own, to point out if I've misspoken, and to add their own experience.

2) Recognize the nature of violence, the stress (fight/flight) response, and keep it simple. I keep the techniques very simple and focus on explosive, blunt movement. My emphasis is: hard bones to soft spots, be loud, be wild and try to run away. I teach grappling ONLY for releases and escape, not control. I've found that a stripped down karate works great for this approach.

3) It all begins with intuition. The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker is mandatory reading (in my opinion) for teaching self-defense. Learning to trust identify, trust, and act on intuition is the most important self-defense tool for anyone.

4) Boundaries. I'd recommend looking into some boundaries work (I'm creating some, and there are a few ok books). All self-defense begins with boundaries and with our ability to say yes and no. There is an unfortunate trend in self-defense for female students to be subjected to a male instructor requiring them to participate in ways that may not feel comfortable for them. The male instructors very seldom understand they are triggering female students or making them uncomfortable. In my view, the goal of self-defense is to be in control of your own body and how you can be touched - someone telling you how to use that body and assuming your participation, even if its in class form, runs counter to that goal. Self-defense begins with how the workshop is taught. I make all of my self-defense for non-martial artist workshops "opt-in" meaning I ask that participants decide if they will participate in each practice. And I make it clear that "learning by watching" is a valid form of training and if someone is working through trauma, this will be their best option rather than re-traumatizing themselves by forcing it. I also give and acknowledge space for participants to step out if they need to. When I work with teens I make sure they have either a trained teen female teaching assistant to work with or I have them practice with one another. I am careful of creating a space where they don't feel obligated to participate with me if I'm doing a demo.

It's a hard pill for lots of us to swallow as martial artists, myself included, but teaching boundaries and intuition are 1,000X more effective and valuable for personal safety than teaching a martial art for self-defense. It's just one more tool in our box! I view the physical bits as CPR - it's a worst case scenario, you hope you never have to perform CPR, but you still take a class because it's helpful to know a bit. Knowing a limited number of simple, powerful strikes (and more importantly the self-confidence to execute them) is enough. 

Hopefully that's not overwhelming! I know that's a lot in there. I have some notes and such that may make it easier to conceptualize. And I'm in the process of documenting and posting my whole system as an online resource. 

And this is my approach, I can't speak to some of the other options. Good luck!

Thanks Iain and Noah for the shoutout :)

Jordan

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

Great advice there Jordan! Thanks for that!

Jordan Giarratano wrote:
3) It all begins with intuition. The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker is mandatory reading (in my opinion) for teaching self-defense. Learning to trust identify, trust, and act on intuition is the most important self-defense tool for anyone.

Totally agree. Knowing it’s OK and not “impolite” to act on your intuition is very important.

This conversation between Sam Harris and Gavin DeBecker is also well worth a listen:

https://samharris.org/podcasts/living-with-violence/

All the best,

Iain

Paul_D
Paul_D's picture

Although The Little Black Book of Violence is indeed aimed at men, there is one paragraph in the book that I feel is extremely useful in helping women understand boundaries, and I have had positive feedback when I’ve used it, with it being one of the things they “always remember”.

There is no legitimate reason for a person you do not know to get closer than five feet from you on the street unless you are in the middle of a large crowd or sitting on public transportation (for example buses, subways, trains).  Trust your intuition.  If he makes you feel uncomfortable and tries to close the distance, warn him away.  Don’t worry about being rude or breaking some social norm.  It is better to be a little embarrassed and safe than beaten to a pulp and sorry.  After all, this is someone you’ve never met before and will likely never meet again.  Anyone who insists on closing after you have warned him away has clearly announced that his intentions are less than honourable.

If you couple that with The Fence (go to YouTube and search for "The Fence Geoff Thompson") then I think you are well on your way to controlling a situation from the off.  The fence has helped me a few times to take control and stop situations escalating further.

OhioMike
OhioMike's picture

Thanks Jordan (and everyone else) for the great reply. My apologies for not getting back sooner.

I have about a thousand questions and I will send a private message to discuss the particulars of your training system (thank you for the generous offer). But after researching this a little bit more I figured I would post the big questions I have for discussion.

First off, I completely agree with the need to be understanding of those that are dealing with trauma. I have found that impact mitts and Iain’s brilliant power slap tend to work really well for helping some of those ladies to open up. Since oftentimes hitting a pad is less triggering for them.

Second, I know that the answers to the following questions change a lot based on if you are dealing with an ongoing class vs teaching a local women’s group a “one-off” type of seminar but I would be interested in the groups thoughts on both situations.

-If you do teach the “one-off” seminars how long to you usually teach for? In the US the average seems to about about 2 hours in my experience.

-How much time to you normally spend on techniques versus what I would call defensive thinking skills (boundaries, situational awareness, stradigies for avoiding trouble, presenting the image of a hard target, etc.), versus true empowerment type of training.

-How much role-play do you actually use, do you ever do conflict de-escalation role play where the attacker walks away? (This would be difficult in a “one-off” seminar given the time constrains)

-Do you ever do role play of non-physical conflict resolution? (This would be next to impossible for a “one-off” type of seminar)

-How complicated do you make your techniques, I noticed in the video the discussion of using hard parts to strike soft parts.

-What techniques do you consider mandatory?

I was considering teaching a simple stance (a boxing style square stance rather than anything more complicated), Iain’s power slap (which works great as a ice breaker and general empowerment combination), then transition to simple cover/slaps or hammer fists, then covering escapes from grips (waze wednesday’s had a wonderful defense from a upper arm grab), as well as groin strikes from the front with hands and feet, and then using the groin strike escape from rear bear hug.

I expect in the finished version I will move from the icebreaker to discussion of difference types of violence and defensive thinking skills, as a side note I like to talk about defensive thinking skills as being like hygiene skills, it allows me to state clearly that violence is not the fault of the victim any more than someone is to blame for getting cancer.  But it seems to connect well and get them to see that there are skills that reduce risk while avoiding being judgmental. 

I have an image for teaching the defensive thinking skills as a matrix between ranges on the top of the page and sources of violence (nonsocial, social, and domestic) going down the edge of the page. I usually split the ranges into 1000,100,10 and 1 meters/yards. That lets me hit the “Do not be outnumbered” as a major conflict avoidance tactic. That also lets me cover LEAPS system for conflict de-escalation as well as the React, Attack, Prevent, Escape for closer ranges.  More importantly it lets me make it clear that social and domestic violence are far more common than nonsocial.

Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated.

Thanks,

Mike

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

Thanks for kicking of this thread. Lots of great info!

OhioMike wrote:
If you do teach the “one-off” seminars how long to you usually teach for?

Self-defence courses can tend to run from 2 hours (single session) to 6 hours (1 hour a week for six weeks). When I see people go beyond that, they are invariably bleeding into martial arts and fighting.

First Aid is a good analogy. Self-defence is first aid training. It’s for the layman and a useful life skill. Martial Arts and Fighting are like training to be a surgeon. I would like to think the heart surgeon would know what you do if I cut myself, but people don’t need to know about heart surgery in order to deliver first aid. We should keep basic and on point.

OhioMike wrote:
How much time do you normally spend on techniques versus what I would call defensive thinking skills (boundaries, situational awareness, stradigies for avoiding trouble, presenting the image of a hard target, etc.), versus true empowerment type of training.

Very little. It depends on who I’m teaching, but on an average two-hour course I would spend around 15 to 20 mins on physical technique. The “soft skills” are way more important.

OhioMike wrote:
How much role-play do you actually use, do you ever do conflict de-escalation role play where the attacker walks away? (This would be difficult in a “one-off” seminar given the time constrains)

I put more emphasis on it when dealing with young men. Even in a very short course, I would always include some then. They need to know that avoiding conflict is both smart and manly (being stupid is not a trait we should associate with being masculine). Their walking away being key as opposed to getting the “attacker” to walk away.

It’s a little different for women because “dominance battles” with strangers are less of an issue, and abuse within relationships is more of an issue. If pressed for time, I would place more emphasis on the warning signs of abusive relationships (all part of avoidance). Both sexes can benefit from learning both, but if you are limited to 2 hours then we need to focus on the most pressing issues.

OhioMike wrote:
How complicated do you make your techniques, I noticed in the video the discussion of using hard parts to strike soft parts.

Super basic. It’s the super simple stuff that works best and it more likely to be retainable. Jordan taught a very simple strike. Kelly was able to use that strike to good effect. Anything more complex will never work.

OhioMike wrote:
What techniques do you consider mandatory?

No techniques are mandatory. I recently taught a self-defence course for a woman’s group where the average age was 70. We didn’t cover a single technique. We did talk about crime statistics, perceptions of crime, personal security, home security, mobile security, etc. Elderly people are far less likely to be victims of crime than the rest of the population; which is not what can come across from the media because attacks on the elderly invoke a lot of outrage and hence they get a lot of airtime. It’s therefore more important to cover that because a disproportionate fear of of crime can be harmful in itself.

If we are talking about techniques to include; a pre-emptive slap, basic palm heel and knife-hand to throat would be about as far as I would go. I’d also spend time on mindset and reminding people that they are naturally powerful. Biting, scratching, shouting, etc are all innate. They don’t need a long list of techniques to be able to protect themselves.

All the best,

Iain

Jordan Giarratano
Jordan Giarratano's picture

OhioMike wrote:

Thanks Jordan (and everyone else) for the great reply. My apologies for not getting back sooner.

No worries, happy to be of help. Iain's answers were great. I have a few things I might add to round it out.

OhioMike wrote:

-If you do teach the “one-off” seminars how long to you usually teach for? In the US the average seems to about about 2 hours in my experience.

When I do corporate workshops I do 60 - 120 minutes. When I do my workshops they are 3 hours. I can't seem to get many people interested in more than three hours or a weekly commitment. But 3 hours sells out sometimes twice a month for six years. 

I also personally feel I'm offering a value with it. I also think of self-defense as being a life skill. So I figure: how much value can I give you in 3 hours, assuming you'll never take another class in your life. If I can give you enough knowledge to increase your ability to keep yourself safe, that feels like a square deal to me. 

OhioMike wrote:

-How much role-play do you actually use, do you ever do conflict de-escalation role play where the attacker walks away? (This would be difficult in a “one-off” seminar given the time constrains)

None. This is a major, major area where trauma can be consciously inflamed. And it's especially valuable to understand that people are very seldom able to say no when they need to. That's a big piece of trauma awareness and consent. That's my personal take on "level one" or my intro workshops. I've had students make specific requests for something like that and always been happy to oblige if it felt safe. 

That said, role-play can be super valuable when done well. I think it's a good fit in a "level two" workshop or after you've earned some trust with students, or if they request it directly. 

OhioMike wrote:

-Do you ever do role play of non-physical conflict resolution? (This would be next to impossible for a “one-off” type of seminar)

It's important to note that women are more likely to have been objectified by the attacker (meaning the attacker views them as an object and is not able to relate to them from a place of empathy). Anything they say will not be heard. I definitely discuss spatial awareness, saying no, deception strategies, boundaries, and consent, but I don't have any formal de-escalation practices for female students. 

OhioMike wrote:

-How complicated do you make your techniques, I noticed in the video the discussion of using hard parts to strike soft parts.

That's it. As bloody simple as I can make it. Take a big boney bit and smash it into a soft spot any way you can. Don't worry if it doesn't look like a martial art and scream as loud as you can while doing it repeatedly.

OhioMike wrote:

I was considering teaching a simple stance (a boxing style square stance rather than anything more complicated), Iain’s power slap (which works great as a ice breaker and general empowerment combination), then transition to simple cover/slaps or hammer fists, then covering escapes from grips (waze wednesday’s had a wonderful defense from a upper arm grab), as well as groin strikes from the front with hands and feet, and then using the groin strike escape from rear bear hug.

I expect in the finished version I will move from the icebreaker to discussion of difference types of violence and defensive thinking skills, as a side note I like to talk about defensive thinking skills as being like hygiene skills, it allows me to state clearly that violence is not the fault of the victim any more than someone is to blame for getting cancer.  But it seems to connect well and get them to see that there are skills that reduce risk while avoiding being judgmental. 

I have an image for teaching the defensive thinking skills as a matrix between ranges on the top of the page and sources of violence (nonsocial, social, and domestic) going down the edge of the page. I usually split the ranges into 1000,100,10 and 1 meters/yards. That lets me hit the “Do not be outnumbered” as a major conflict avoidance tactic. That also lets me cover LEAPS system for conflict de-escalation as well as the React, Attack, Prevent, Escape for closer ranges.  More importantly it lets me make it clear that social and domestic violence are far more common than nonsocial.

Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated.

Sounds like you are on a good path. Speaking about the importance of not blaming the victim is huge and very helpful to the discussion. I'd say look into the adrenaline response also. You want to have some clarity around freezing (which is a valid self-defense technique - though not ideal in some specific contexts) and fight or flight - and especially how that changes the physiology of the body. Iain's got some great material on that, not sure if he's got it published anywhere. 

Definitely feel free to email me through my website if you need anything.

Jordan Giarratano
Jordan Giarratano's picture

OhioMike wrote:

-What techniques do you consider mandatory?

One more quick share. I don't do mandatory techniques, but what I ALWAYS cover is power generation. How to stand, move, and hit with power. I don't teach individual techniques as poison/antidote. I teach embodied movement concepts. How to push off the floor, how to drop weight, how to swing, push, etc. Typically if a participant can be reminded that the same muscles they use to push a door open or climb stairs are the same muscles they engage when striking it clicks for them and they realize that they ARE powerful and able to access their power. After that it's just a matter of showing a palm strike, hammer fist, elbow, etc. 

Unfortunately, many women were conditioned as girls to believe they are not physically powerful and some internalize this belief. It's as much about the student's perception of their own power as their physiological access to power. And typically if someone does not feel strong it's more an issue of coordination (i.e. organizing the body deliberately to generate power) than physical strength. By focusing on power generation FIRST and talking about coordination instead of innate ability it gives each participant an opportunity to explore their own relationship to power. 

In Kelly's workshop she had two tries at hitting the pad and about fifteen minutes of power generation. Being a runner, I just told her to trust the power she already knew was in her body.

PASmith
PASmith's picture

I've not delivered a women's self defence course but one thing I think would be useful is to give out handouts to everyone with contact details and information on local abuse or domestic violence helplines and organisations.

You never know if a participant is already in an abusive or violent situation or knows someone that is but doesn't, or can't, admit it. Make it so everyone gets one and takes it away (even if they probably don't want or need it) so that someone who really needs it avoids having to stand out by being one of the few people to take one. If they all take one no one will feel self conscious about it. If taking such information home will cause problems, if their partner sees it, then advise the participants to bin it on the way home.

As we all probably know, a woman is far more likely to be assaulted or abused by a person they already know or are in a relationship with than the proverbial stranger down a dark alley jumping out (which of course also happens but much less frequently).

For me self defence (for anyone) is about being realistic about where risk is in their lives and taking measures to minimise it. Recognising where danger lies. If you are concerned about attackers in the shadows but smoke 20 cigarettes a day then you aren't addressing where the real risk in your life is. The same if you are worried about attackers but drive like a maniac, are very overweight or inactive. All are more of a risk to your safety than random violence.

Maybe get participants to make a log of their livestyle and see where risk really is? Commuting to work, public transport, using car parks, times of day and routes they use regularly, lifestyle choices, etc. Not somethin they need to make public to anyone but an honest self assessment.

Iain Abernethy
Iain Abernethy's picture

Another awesome post Jordan! Loads of good stuff in there! Brilliant!

PASmith wrote:
I've not delivered a women's self defence course but one thing I think would be useful is to give out handouts to everyone with contact details and information on local abuse or domestic violence helplines and organisations.

That’s a good practise. Victim support groups can also be helpful.

PASmith wrote:
For me self defence (for anyone) is about being realistic about where risk is in their lives and taking measures to minimise it. Recognising where danger lies. If you are concerned about attackers in the shadows but smoke 20 cigarettes a day then you aren't addressing where the real risk in your life is. The same if you are worried about attackers but drive like a maniac, are very overweight or inactive. All are more of a risk to your safety than random violence.

No doubt that’s true for the general population, but if someone is expressing an interest in self-defence that is frequently because they have had previous experiences that have convinced them of the value of learning it.

This thread is also about women and here in the UK a report from the Office of National Statistics said that 19.9% of women had experienced a sexual assault or attempted sexual assault, 20.9% of women have experienced stalking, and 26% of women had experienced domestic abuse.

Therefore, in the general population 1 in 5 women have experience of sexual assault, 1 in 4 have experience of domestic violence, and 1 in 4 have experience of being stalked. Those are some high numbers! There is a real and significant risk there. On a self-defence course, the percentages of participants who have direct experience of these things is sure to be far higher.

As a general point, we are far more likely to be killed by cancer, heart disease, lung disease, etc than by the hand of another person. It’s therefore right to say that, when it comes to longevity, negative lifestyle choses pose a greater threat than homicide. So, on that basis, stopping smoking, eating better, exercising more, drinking less, etc will all do more for us than a self-defence class would. There’s also no doubt that a disproportionate fear of crime can be harmful in itself. However, when it comes to sexual assault, stalking, and domestic violence against women – most of which is not fatal, but nevertheless deeply damaging – the risk is undeniably significant.

PASmith wrote:
Maybe get participants to make a log of their livestyle and see where risk really is?

That can be useful. I did one on myself once as part of a security course I was involved with. It was a very useful exercise and made me change a few things. In calculating risk, and ensuring commensurate precautions, crime statistics are very useful. Tragically, the statistics do show there is a significant risk for women in regard to sexual assault, domestic violence and stalking.

All the best,

Iain

Tau
Tau's picture

PASmith wrote:
I think would be useful is to give out handouts to everyone with contact details and information on local abuse or domestic violence helplines and organisations.

Whereabouts are you in the world? If I have useful material I'll gladly send them to you.

I have a monthly club newsletter. At the end of EVERY edition is various telephone numbers and web sites such as my local domestic abuse support organisation and Childline. 

Are you aware of the #askforangela initiative?

"Self defence" covers a huge gammut of scenarios. For women I tend to put a significant emphasis on domestic abuse because this is realistically a high threat. Statistics show that it takes something like an average of 32 contacts with health care professionals for the victim to disclose that they are victims of domestic abuse. One initiative that was started locally was distributing keyrings that look like Tesco Clubcard keyfobs except that the number underneath the barcode was the telephone number for local domestic abuse support.

So handouts or other such resources are certainly there.

Important addendum: in this post I've clearly looked at the domestic side of female self protection. It is worth noting that this is not a male-on-female exclusive thing. In my county it is estimated that one in four women are victims of domestic abuse and one in six men. What we're seeing more professionally now is male-on-male and female-on-female domestic abuse situations. For this reason I'm happy with my current situation of not deliberately teaching ladies-only classes but instead have the male students also receive the same tuition (and vice versa, ladies receiving the same tuition as the men with their specific scenarios.)